inconvenient?

You asked me if I would still adopt if it were inconvenient.  I felt it deeply...a probing question to my very soul.  "You want this so badly, but would you still want it if it were inconvenient?"

"It already is inconvenient," I thought.  "I already have 5 children.  My house is full and my grocery budget is tight.  People all around me think I'm crazy for pursuing adoption.  I don't have the funds to even pay for it.  It already IS inconvenient and I DO want to pursue adoption."

But I heard you clarify, Lord.  "Inconvenient for you, Michelle, is simply not according to plan."

Would I adopt if it weren't according to my plan?  If the children weren't the ages or genders I have dreamed about?  If I was not the glorious age of 36, but instead...older...inconveniently older?

I did not know on that day, Lord, that you were setting the ground work for truly changing my heart and granting me the peace within a God given passion that has eluded me for oh so long.

You are good, Lord.  Oh so very good.