I was reading. And in the midst of my reading, you spoke directly to me, Lord. Now, I expected my heartstrings to be pulled- tugged hard, really-after all, the book was about helping the helpless...meeting the needs of the fatherless. I never expected, though, to find encouragement.
I read: "God told her not to mention it (her love for mission work), but that it would be 'all right'; she needed to trust him to speak to me." Ah- trusting you to speak. Now, that is a challenging concept- especially since you have blessed me with so many words, and I have a strong desire to articulate myself until heard.
Do I trust you to speak? Do I trust you to do the heart changing? I don't know that I do. In all honesty, my impatience for my plan to be applied has lead me more to despair and disappointment than trust. I am more quick to assume you are not going to fulfill the dreams you planted in me, than I am to trust you will indeed speak and move mountains.
It occurs to me, though, that a person can only hear so much at once. If I don't stop talking, how will you be heard? And if I am so reliant on my own persuasive skills, how will I ever know the details of your plan and what you would have us do.
I know the book I read is about so much more. It is about the lost and lonely, the needs of the abandoned and abused, the love wanted by the neglected, the orphan. So much more than simply letting you speak. But, I needed to hear that in the midst of my longing to love orphans as my own, I must trust you to speak.
Enable me daily to close my own mouth and wait on your words, and remind me often that this too will be 'all right.'
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
trust & obey
I trust you, Lord. I do. And with all my heart I try to be obedient to the things you have called me to in my life. It is an every day commitment, though, Lord-every day.
I don't always automatically trust you...or your plan...or your timing. On the surface, I'm pretty sure my plan and my way will do just fine. It is only when I stop and breathe in the peace I only get from you, that I am reminded to trust. You have the bigger picture. You are the one who designed me- who planted these desires within me- and you have a particular way you plan to flesh it all out in my life. To think I could have a handle on this life without you is absurd. To think I truly understand what it is you have called me to do- so much so that I can march on up ahead of you- is ridiculous. I must trust. And since these passions that are so restless within me keep churning- trusting you is the only way I can keep insanity at bay. I choose you- and trusting you over me. For you are enough. I don't need to know the details (as much as I long for them). I only need to know that you are in control- so it will all be as it should be. May my life always be that much out of my reach...that much smothered in my inadequacies that I am caused to always trust in you. And trust you deeply. For you are bigger than I truly could ever understand- and my life is about so much more than me or my passions. It is all about you and giving you glory.
I obey. I try to. But, it too is a conscious choice I must make regularly. The things I long to do are not always what you have served up on my plate. While at the same time, if I am observant in my obedience I will not fail to see the tailored made opportunities only you could orchestrate. You masterfully weave lives, circumstances, resources and passions together to create such a fulfilling existence. You use the skills you've developed in me which gives great joy. You direct me, if I listen, to where I can be used and how I can glorify you in the works of my hands. I never knew such joy could emerge from obedience. Such satisfaction. It is a contagious sensation- this feeling of purpose...of being exactly where I am called to be, expected to be, needed to be at this very moment (regardless if it is so far from what I had planned for me). Afterall, your logic is more intricate and what seems distant may actually be only steps away (and you know that is a prayer of my heart...mere steps away).
So, with my commitment to trust you- I trust that the blankets intended for Niger will reach the children YOU planned them for all along. I have no worries or regret. I am in awe that you woudl use the catalyst to this blanket ministry as a reminder that this is all in your control. If it weren't for the Niger trip, I don't know that I would have started to sew...and then to have the Niger trip not even follow through with their mission reminds me it is all about you.
And with my commitment to obey- I will continue to sew...to serve...to live in the moment (and not 3 hopeful moments ahead of myself). I will seek out your direction for who receives the works of my hands...and I will find joy in the sheer discipline of obedience.
Continue to strengthen me, Lord. Each day brings its own challenges and distractions. It is too easy to fall from trusting you and too tempting to turn from obeying the callings you have placed on my life. Protect me. Whisper words of encouragement. Make it obvious when I need to refresh and restart my steps. And remind me daily that it is you whom I serve and for you that I do everything. May all the glory be yours.
I don't always automatically trust you...or your plan...or your timing. On the surface, I'm pretty sure my plan and my way will do just fine. It is only when I stop and breathe in the peace I only get from you, that I am reminded to trust. You have the bigger picture. You are the one who designed me- who planted these desires within me- and you have a particular way you plan to flesh it all out in my life. To think I could have a handle on this life without you is absurd. To think I truly understand what it is you have called me to do- so much so that I can march on up ahead of you- is ridiculous. I must trust. And since these passions that are so restless within me keep churning- trusting you is the only way I can keep insanity at bay. I choose you- and trusting you over me. For you are enough. I don't need to know the details (as much as I long for them). I only need to know that you are in control- so it will all be as it should be. May my life always be that much out of my reach...that much smothered in my inadequacies that I am caused to always trust in you. And trust you deeply. For you are bigger than I truly could ever understand- and my life is about so much more than me or my passions. It is all about you and giving you glory.
I obey. I try to. But, it too is a conscious choice I must make regularly. The things I long to do are not always what you have served up on my plate. While at the same time, if I am observant in my obedience I will not fail to see the tailored made opportunities only you could orchestrate. You masterfully weave lives, circumstances, resources and passions together to create such a fulfilling existence. You use the skills you've developed in me which gives great joy. You direct me, if I listen, to where I can be used and how I can glorify you in the works of my hands. I never knew such joy could emerge from obedience. Such satisfaction. It is a contagious sensation- this feeling of purpose...of being exactly where I am called to be, expected to be, needed to be at this very moment (regardless if it is so far from what I had planned for me). Afterall, your logic is more intricate and what seems distant may actually be only steps away (and you know that is a prayer of my heart...mere steps away).
So, with my commitment to trust you- I trust that the blankets intended for Niger will reach the children YOU planned them for all along. I have no worries or regret. I am in awe that you woudl use the catalyst to this blanket ministry as a reminder that this is all in your control. If it weren't for the Niger trip, I don't know that I would have started to sew...and then to have the Niger trip not even follow through with their mission reminds me it is all about you.
And with my commitment to obey- I will continue to sew...to serve...to live in the moment (and not 3 hopeful moments ahead of myself). I will seek out your direction for who receives the works of my hands...and I will find joy in the sheer discipline of obedience.
Continue to strengthen me, Lord. Each day brings its own challenges and distractions. It is too easy to fall from trusting you and too tempting to turn from obeying the callings you have placed on my life. Protect me. Whisper words of encouragement. Make it obvious when I need to refresh and restart my steps. And remind me daily that it is you whom I serve and for you that I do everything. May all the glory be yours.
Monday, August 1, 2011
others wait...and continue to wait
There are so many adoption stories at my fingertips. So many blogs in various stages of the process. And today, I read one that is in the midst of waiting...like so many...waiting for paper work or some government official in some other country to give the thumbs up. I read the words they wrote and I feel the weight of their...wait. I know that frustration (in a different way, but I know it still the same). They are truly waiting on you...for your timing is perfect. Knowing you can move things as quickly or as slowly as you need things to go...knowing that it is all in your control, so it is on you that they wait. (Just like I find myself waiting on you.)
That can be maddening. To know there is power to bring an adoption to a conclusion, yet see little progress. To know your timing, Lord, is perfect while still struggling with the patience it requires to trust that timing. Struggling with the faith that is needed to want to trust a longer wait is actually better.
And as much as I'd rather be waiting for a child (or children) I've seen in a picture- the current situation in many countries is causing so many families to come face to face with a much longer road than they originally expected.
In parts of Africa, there are policies being challenged. Countries are changing their acceptance of international adoption. It feels like Satan is having free reign to delay, discourage and demoralize these poor families. They are now confronted with a longer wait...an unexpected delay...all with a name written on their heart- a face they have seen and prayed over...a child they are anxious to hold.
Their wait needs your blessing. The frustration I have with my wait is nothing in comparison. They have a name. A picture. An expectation to bring a child home- yet they wait- with no promise of when it will end. I pray you strengthen them...each of them. May they swell with a sense of peace tonight knowing you hold them (and their children) in the palm of your hand. And if need be, you could bring their wait to an end at this very moment- so they best trust that if their wait continues, it is because it is part of your bigger plan.
Strengthen me as well, Lord. For I hope to one day be in that kind of wait. And if I am, may my eyes see nothing but you.
That can be maddening. To know there is power to bring an adoption to a conclusion, yet see little progress. To know your timing, Lord, is perfect while still struggling with the patience it requires to trust that timing. Struggling with the faith that is needed to want to trust a longer wait is actually better.
And as much as I'd rather be waiting for a child (or children) I've seen in a picture- the current situation in many countries is causing so many families to come face to face with a much longer road than they originally expected.
In parts of Africa, there are policies being challenged. Countries are changing their acceptance of international adoption. It feels like Satan is having free reign to delay, discourage and demoralize these poor families. They are now confronted with a longer wait...an unexpected delay...all with a name written on their heart- a face they have seen and prayed over...a child they are anxious to hold.
Their wait needs your blessing. The frustration I have with my wait is nothing in comparison. They have a name. A picture. An expectation to bring a child home- yet they wait- with no promise of when it will end. I pray you strengthen them...each of them. May they swell with a sense of peace tonight knowing you hold them (and their children) in the palm of your hand. And if need be, you could bring their wait to an end at this very moment- so they best trust that if their wait continues, it is because it is part of your bigger plan.
Strengthen me as well, Lord. For I hope to one day be in that kind of wait. And if I am, may my eyes see nothing but you.
Friday, June 24, 2011
today
Today, a slum in Kambi Teso received 125 blankets. I am so anxious to see pictures- to have a visual on the calling you placed on my heart...it will be such a reward to see even just one blanket in the hand of one child. I am certain I will fall to my knees and weep- wanting so desperately to scoop that child up into my arms and whisper words of love, encouragement and hope.
Thank you for the people who carried the blankets- who lovingly gave of their time and of their heart to the people in Kenya. Multiply the return of their labor- lengthen the impact of their presence and bless them greatly for their obedience to you and the calling you placed before them. You said, "go" and they went.
Thank you, Lord, for loving us so much that you use us to do your work. You grant us a sense of satisfaction- bless us with great joy- all while we think we are sacrificing for others. Your ways are truly best.
You, Lord, are truly best. You are worthy of all my praise, all my focus, all my energy, all my love, all my devotion and all of me. You are Lord of all- of everything. May I always seek you and you alone to the very end of my days.
Thank you for the people who carried the blankets- who lovingly gave of their time and of their heart to the people in Kenya. Multiply the return of their labor- lengthen the impact of their presence and bless them greatly for their obedience to you and the calling you placed before them. You said, "go" and they went.
Thank you, Lord, for loving us so much that you use us to do your work. You grant us a sense of satisfaction- bless us with great joy- all while we think we are sacrificing for others. Your ways are truly best.
You, Lord, are truly best. You are worthy of all my praise, all my focus, all my energy, all my love, all my devotion and all of me. You are Lord of all- of everything. May I always seek you and you alone to the very end of my days.
tempting, but...
When I spoke to Delena about the trip to Zimbabwe, Lord, I never thought I would hear the words, "we can completely, financially support your ministry." It was a bit exhilarating at first. Almost like a burden was being lifted from me...a money burden. (and you know how much I dislike money).
But, this help would come with a different focus. A focus not just on orphans, but mostly on children who come from supportive families. Children who need surgery and parents who have been known to travel more than 900 miles to get help. A focus not just on Africa, but on all sorts of needing countries- India, Haiti, Belize, and the Dominican Republic. And although I do believe these blankets would be well received in these countries under this expanded focus, I do not think it is what you called me to do.
After an immediate conversation with Dad, (thank you so much, Lord, for his listening ear) and a later discussion with my 'sounding board,' it is very clear to me that you did not call me to just make blankets. You planted in me a passion for orphans and a desire to reach them- to impact them in some way for your kingdom. You gave me a love for Africa, and a hope to step foot there someday and bring its beauty into my home. It is not just for Africa's orphans that I sew, it is also for me. My restless, adoption heart, needs to be at work for the very cause from which this all started- the blankets help me focus on today (not on what I don't know about tomorrow).
And if I were to expand my focus to such an extent, I am certain the peace within this passion- something I so desperately fought to find- would be lost. For it is the orphans in Africa I long to love- the loveless, the fatherless, the lonely. Those are the children for which I sew...theirs is the fight I am committed to impact...today with blankets. Hopefully some day in my home.
So it is with great peace, I will turn down the offer to sew for these trips all around the world (funded or not), and I will continue with my current plan, which is to sew for orphans in Africa as long as you provide a way.
But, this help would come with a different focus. A focus not just on orphans, but mostly on children who come from supportive families. Children who need surgery and parents who have been known to travel more than 900 miles to get help. A focus not just on Africa, but on all sorts of needing countries- India, Haiti, Belize, and the Dominican Republic. And although I do believe these blankets would be well received in these countries under this expanded focus, I do not think it is what you called me to do.
After an immediate conversation with Dad, (thank you so much, Lord, for his listening ear) and a later discussion with my 'sounding board,' it is very clear to me that you did not call me to just make blankets. You planted in me a passion for orphans and a desire to reach them- to impact them in some way for your kingdom. You gave me a love for Africa, and a hope to step foot there someday and bring its beauty into my home. It is not just for Africa's orphans that I sew, it is also for me. My restless, adoption heart, needs to be at work for the very cause from which this all started- the blankets help me focus on today (not on what I don't know about tomorrow).
And if I were to expand my focus to such an extent, I am certain the peace within this passion- something I so desperately fought to find- would be lost. For it is the orphans in Africa I long to love- the loveless, the fatherless, the lonely. Those are the children for which I sew...theirs is the fight I am committed to impact...today with blankets. Hopefully some day in my home.
So it is with great peace, I will turn down the offer to sew for these trips all around the world (funded or not), and I will continue with my current plan, which is to sew for orphans in Africa as long as you provide a way.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
125
One hundred and twenty-five blankets are headed to Kenya in just a couple of weeks and my heart could not be more filled with joy.
Bless those delivering, serving and loving on those children. Hold them in the palm of your hand providing protection and wisdom. Be with them at every turn as they seek to do all that you hold out for them.
Bless the children receiving the blankets. May the blankets never be lost, just like Your love can never truly be lost to us. And may the blankets never be taken, just like Your presence in our lives is a constant. May those blankets represent Your love and may they provide a comfort, strength and peace to each and every child.
I am honored to be a part of this effort and humbled that you would use me. Thank you for the direction and action you granted at a time I needed so desperately to 'do.'
Thank you for the people who have stepped up to financially make this happen. Thank you for the children who have such faith and obedience that they gave of their own resources. I especially thank you for "O." -an 8 year old girl who wrote a simple, but powerful note: "Thank you for making blankets for the orphans." I wept when I read it, Lord...and my heart was filled when I saw $75 of her own money she gladly gave to children she most likely will never meet. Bless her for her generosity and giving heart. Bless the days ahead of her that you clearly are going to use to mold and build a true servant for your kingdom.
I ask that you would guide me as the thoughts of what to do with Cocoon grow. Are we to offer an opportunity for people to purchase the satin/flannel blankets and in doing so also pay for an orphan to receive that very blanket? Having such a physical reminder with my own children has made a powerful impact. They each cuddle up with their 'duplicates' and pray for the child who will receive its match. Our middle child has constantly prayed that the "African children can sleep well on their mats loving on their blankets...may they be safe...and full...may they be loved and protected...and may they be given parents to hold them." I echo those prayers as I wonder what you have planned for this effort...this ministry...this outreach.
I would not be honest if I did not remind you, Lord, that I'd rather be doing the loving and protecting...the holding and the feeding. But, you know that. And I am grateful I can also say that I am filled with great joy in this wait as I seek to be obedient to your calling on my life.
A friend just yesterday said, "you seem so joyful." I am. I absolutely am filled to the brim with joy...and not because my circumstances of wait and wonder have changed, but because my perspective on the wait has been adjusted. I no longer see me waiting- I see you working. I see you asking me to 'do' and I gladly say "absolutely, Lord. Whatever it is you call me to- I will obey you gladly." And that makes all the difference in the world.
I am all about you, Lord, and doing what needs to be done. Please continue to use me where I am and take me where I can only go with you. For that is true joy!
Bless those delivering, serving and loving on those children. Hold them in the palm of your hand providing protection and wisdom. Be with them at every turn as they seek to do all that you hold out for them.
Bless the children receiving the blankets. May the blankets never be lost, just like Your love can never truly be lost to us. And may the blankets never be taken, just like Your presence in our lives is a constant. May those blankets represent Your love and may they provide a comfort, strength and peace to each and every child.
I am honored to be a part of this effort and humbled that you would use me. Thank you for the direction and action you granted at a time I needed so desperately to 'do.'
Thank you for the people who have stepped up to financially make this happen. Thank you for the children who have such faith and obedience that they gave of their own resources. I especially thank you for "O." -an 8 year old girl who wrote a simple, but powerful note: "Thank you for making blankets for the orphans." I wept when I read it, Lord...and my heart was filled when I saw $75 of her own money she gladly gave to children she most likely will never meet. Bless her for her generosity and giving heart. Bless the days ahead of her that you clearly are going to use to mold and build a true servant for your kingdom.
I ask that you would guide me as the thoughts of what to do with Cocoon grow. Are we to offer an opportunity for people to purchase the satin/flannel blankets and in doing so also pay for an orphan to receive that very blanket? Having such a physical reminder with my own children has made a powerful impact. They each cuddle up with their 'duplicates' and pray for the child who will receive its match. Our middle child has constantly prayed that the "African children can sleep well on their mats loving on their blankets...may they be safe...and full...may they be loved and protected...and may they be given parents to hold them." I echo those prayers as I wonder what you have planned for this effort...this ministry...this outreach.
I would not be honest if I did not remind you, Lord, that I'd rather be doing the loving and protecting...the holding and the feeding. But, you know that. And I am grateful I can also say that I am filled with great joy in this wait as I seek to be obedient to your calling on my life.
A friend just yesterday said, "you seem so joyful." I am. I absolutely am filled to the brim with joy...and not because my circumstances of wait and wonder have changed, but because my perspective on the wait has been adjusted. I no longer see me waiting- I see you working. I see you asking me to 'do' and I gladly say "absolutely, Lord. Whatever it is you call me to- I will obey you gladly." And that makes all the difference in the world.
I am all about you, Lord, and doing what needs to be done. Please continue to use me where I am and take me where I can only go with you. For that is true joy!
Monday, May 23, 2011
a calling
"You are called to be something that is not in your realm to be on your own. If he has called you to it, he is getting ready to equip you for it. He wants you to be what you can only be in him." ~Priscilla Shirer
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