One hundred and twenty-five blankets are headed to Kenya in just a couple of weeks and my heart could not be more filled with joy.
Bless those delivering, serving and loving on those children. Hold them in the palm of your hand providing protection and wisdom. Be with them at every turn as they seek to do all that you hold out for them.
Bless the children receiving the blankets. May the blankets never be lost, just like Your love can never truly be lost to us. And may the blankets never be taken, just like Your presence in our lives is a constant. May those blankets represent Your love and may they provide a comfort, strength and peace to each and every child.
I am honored to be a part of this effort and humbled that you would use me. Thank you for the direction and action you granted at a time I needed so desperately to 'do.'
Thank you for the people who have stepped up to financially make this happen. Thank you for the children who have such faith and obedience that they gave of their own resources. I especially thank you for "O." -an 8 year old girl who wrote a simple, but powerful note: "Thank you for making blankets for the orphans." I wept when I read it, Lord...and my heart was filled when I saw $75 of her own money she gladly gave to children she most likely will never meet. Bless her for her generosity and giving heart. Bless the days ahead of her that you clearly are going to use to mold and build a true servant for your kingdom.
I ask that you would guide me as the thoughts of what to do with Cocoon grow. Are we to offer an opportunity for people to purchase the satin/flannel blankets and in doing so also pay for an orphan to receive that very blanket? Having such a physical reminder with my own children has made a powerful impact. They each cuddle up with their 'duplicates' and pray for the child who will receive its match. Our middle child has constantly prayed that the "African children can sleep well on their mats loving on their blankets...may they be safe...and full...may they be loved and protected...and may they be given parents to hold them." I echo those prayers as I wonder what you have planned for this effort...this ministry...this outreach.
I would not be honest if I did not remind you, Lord, that I'd rather be doing the loving and protecting...the holding and the feeding. But, you know that. And I am grateful I can also say that I am filled with great joy in this wait as I seek to be obedient to your calling on my life.
A friend just yesterday said, "you seem so joyful." I am. I absolutely am filled to the brim with joy...and not because my circumstances of wait and wonder have changed, but because my perspective on the wait has been adjusted. I no longer see me waiting- I see you working. I see you asking me to 'do' and I gladly say "absolutely, Lord. Whatever it is you call me to- I will obey you gladly." And that makes all the difference in the world.
I am all about you, Lord, and doing what needs to be done. Please continue to use me where I am and take me where I can only go with you. For that is true joy!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
a calling
"You are called to be something that is not in your realm to be on your own. If he has called you to it, he is getting ready to equip you for it. He wants you to be what you can only be in him." ~Priscilla Shirer
you met me where I was
Lord, I thought it was foolish to attend the conference at church. The last thing I needed was to be challenged to change the world. I already long to do that through adoption, and sitting for 3 days listening to people tell me to put feet to my faith was not going to settle my restless heart.
But, I went. I went to hide (as you and I both know), and I was honest about my expectations...to have the raw 'wound' of lost dreams be doused with lemon juice. But, I went anyway. And you met me right where I was.
The very first speaker floored me. She did not tell me to get up and fly- to grab the world by its tail and change it forever- to swoop in and adopt a sibling group from Africa. She told me that we often get obsessed with "go" and forget that spiritually, Lord, you have an "on your marks" and a "get set" before we are allowed to soar. "There is a preparation that will sustain us through the 'go', otherwise we will grow weary and fail." A preparation that makes the 'go' a success.
Another speaker dove deeper into my heart and explained,"'if we have a dream we can work out in our head, than that's not a dream- it's a plan! And God is bigger than our plans." You and I both know, Lord, that I have been very up front with my plans...I know they are an obstacle to my patience, peace and sometimes hope. I needed to be reminded that your plans are bigger and with greater purpose than anything I could come up with.
I also needed to be told that this life is all about you...not me. It is you that redeems and restores and then you use it for your purposes. My part is to be obedient in the things you have put in front of me- to act on what your spirit has compelled me to do. And for now, that is the blanket ministry.
I was challenged to pay attention to what I already have- to capitalize on what is at my disposal. "So often we are waiting for God, but could it be that it is God who is waiting on us? Invest fully in the things of God and receive supernatural dividends- Be faithful, even when it doesn't make sense." Oh, Lord, so often it doesn't make sense. (You don't often make sense.) But, I do believe I am being faithful in what you have already asked me to do. I would rather be adopting, but you have me sewing...and I will continue to sew for as long as you fund it and call me to it. I will be faithful where I am knowing it can prepare me for what you hold out ahead. There is true joy in obedience and I don't know that I have ever been this full of joy before!
In a 3 day conference, you changed my broken heart to be more about you and what you hold out for me than adoption. I still long to adopt, but I now have a peace within that passion that I have not been able to grasp before. I long to be obedient in the things of today- to be used today however you see fit. I will not white knuckle my adoption plans and pout like a child with the slightest hint of a different route. I long to be used to adopt...to make a difference in the life of children so far away...but my focus is on you - how you long to use me...what you need to do to prepare me...and how your ways are so much grander than mine (today and along the way). I choose the blessed path- one which you lead down- and not the road I carve out for myself.
A speaker during the conference said, "if we don't want to be disappointed, in a hurry or bitter with where life has us, we need to be at God's feet first all the time." I can honestly say, I happily sit at your feet, Lord, acting in obedience with all you place before me, trusting you and your leading.
But, I went. I went to hide (as you and I both know), and I was honest about my expectations...to have the raw 'wound' of lost dreams be doused with lemon juice. But, I went anyway. And you met me right where I was.
The very first speaker floored me. She did not tell me to get up and fly- to grab the world by its tail and change it forever- to swoop in and adopt a sibling group from Africa. She told me that we often get obsessed with "go" and forget that spiritually, Lord, you have an "on your marks" and a "get set" before we are allowed to soar. "There is a preparation that will sustain us through the 'go', otherwise we will grow weary and fail." A preparation that makes the 'go' a success.
Another speaker dove deeper into my heart and explained,"'if we have a dream we can work out in our head, than that's not a dream- it's a plan! And God is bigger than our plans." You and I both know, Lord, that I have been very up front with my plans...I know they are an obstacle to my patience, peace and sometimes hope. I needed to be reminded that your plans are bigger and with greater purpose than anything I could come up with.
I also needed to be told that this life is all about you...not me. It is you that redeems and restores and then you use it for your purposes. My part is to be obedient in the things you have put in front of me- to act on what your spirit has compelled me to do. And for now, that is the blanket ministry.
I was challenged to pay attention to what I already have- to capitalize on what is at my disposal. "So often we are waiting for God, but could it be that it is God who is waiting on us? Invest fully in the things of God and receive supernatural dividends- Be faithful, even when it doesn't make sense." Oh, Lord, so often it doesn't make sense. (You don't often make sense.) But, I do believe I am being faithful in what you have already asked me to do. I would rather be adopting, but you have me sewing...and I will continue to sew for as long as you fund it and call me to it. I will be faithful where I am knowing it can prepare me for what you hold out ahead. There is true joy in obedience and I don't know that I have ever been this full of joy before!
In a 3 day conference, you changed my broken heart to be more about you and what you hold out for me than adoption. I still long to adopt, but I now have a peace within that passion that I have not been able to grasp before. I long to be obedient in the things of today- to be used today however you see fit. I will not white knuckle my adoption plans and pout like a child with the slightest hint of a different route. I long to be used to adopt...to make a difference in the life of children so far away...but my focus is on you - how you long to use me...what you need to do to prepare me...and how your ways are so much grander than mine (today and along the way). I choose the blessed path- one which you lead down- and not the road I carve out for myself.
A speaker during the conference said, "if we don't want to be disappointed, in a hurry or bitter with where life has us, we need to be at God's feet first all the time." I can honestly say, I happily sit at your feet, Lord, acting in obedience with all you place before me, trusting you and your leading.
inconvenient?
You asked me if I would still adopt if it were inconvenient. I felt it deeply...a probing question to my very soul. "You want this so badly, but would you still want it if it were inconvenient?"
"It already is inconvenient," I thought. "I already have 5 children. My house is full and my grocery budget is tight. People all around me think I'm crazy for pursuing adoption. I don't have the funds to even pay for it. It already IS inconvenient and I DO want to pursue adoption."
But I heard you clarify, Lord. "Inconvenient for you, Michelle, is simply not according to plan."
Would I adopt if it weren't according to my plan? If the children weren't the ages or genders I have dreamed about? If I was not the glorious age of 36, but instead...older...inconveniently older?
I did not know on that day, Lord, that you were setting the ground work for truly changing my heart and granting me the peace within a God given passion that has eluded me for oh so long.
You are good, Lord. Oh so very good.
"It already is inconvenient," I thought. "I already have 5 children. My house is full and my grocery budget is tight. People all around me think I'm crazy for pursuing adoption. I don't have the funds to even pay for it. It already IS inconvenient and I DO want to pursue adoption."
But I heard you clarify, Lord. "Inconvenient for you, Michelle, is simply not according to plan."
Would I adopt if it weren't according to my plan? If the children weren't the ages or genders I have dreamed about? If I was not the glorious age of 36, but instead...older...inconveniently older?
I did not know on that day, Lord, that you were setting the ground work for truly changing my heart and granting me the peace within a God given passion that has eluded me for oh so long.
You are good, Lord. Oh so very good.
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