unexpected encouragement

I was reading.  And in the midst of my reading, you spoke directly to me, Lord.  Now, I expected my heartstrings to be pulled- tugged hard, really-after all, the book was about helping the helpless...meeting the needs of the fatherless.  I never expected, though, to find encouragement.

I read:  "God told her not to mention it (her love for mission work), but that it would be 'all right'; she needed to trust him to speak to me."  Ah- trusting you to speak.  Now, that is a challenging concept- especially since you have blessed me with so many words, and I have a strong desire to articulate myself until heard.

Do I trust you to speak?  Do I trust you to do the heart changing?  I don't know that I do.  In all honesty, my impatience for my plan to be applied has lead me more to despair and disappointment than trust.  I am more quick to assume you are not going to fulfill the dreams you planted in me, than I am to trust you will indeed speak and move mountains.

It occurs to me, though, that a person can only hear so much at once.  If I don't stop talking, how will you be heard? And if I am so reliant on  my own persuasive skills, how will I ever know the details of your plan and what you would have us do.


I know the book I read is about so much more.  It is about the lost and lonely, the needs of the abandoned and abused, the love wanted by the neglected, the orphan.  So much more than simply letting you speak.  But, I needed to hear that in the midst of my longing to love orphans as my own, I must trust you to speak. 

Enable me daily to close my own mouth and wait on your words, and remind me often that this too will be 'all right.' 

trust & obey

I trust you, Lord.  I do.  And with all my heart I try to be obedient to the things you have called me to in my life.  It is an every day commitment, though, Lord-every day.

I don't always automatically trust you...or your plan...or your timing.  On the surface, I'm pretty sure my plan and my way will do just fine.  It is only when I stop and breathe in the peace I only get from you, that I am reminded to trust.  You have the bigger picture.  You are the one who designed me- who planted these desires within me- and you have a particular way you plan to flesh it all out in my life.  To think I could have a handle on this life without you is absurd.  To think I truly understand what it is you have called me to do- so much so that I can march on up ahead of you- is ridiculous.  I must trust.  And since these passions that are so restless within me keep churning- trusting you is the only way I can keep insanity at bay.  I choose you- and trusting you over me.  For you are enough.  I don't need to know the details (as much as I long for them).  I only need to know that you are in control- so it will all be as it should be.  May my life always be that much out of my reach...that much smothered in my inadequacies that I am caused to always trust in you.  And trust you deeply.  For you are bigger than I truly could ever understand- and my life is about so much more than me or my passions.  It is all about you and giving you glory.

I obey.  I try to.  But, it too is a conscious choice I must make regularly.  The things I long to do are not always what you have served up on my plate.  While at the same time, if I am observant in my obedience I will not fail to see the tailored made opportunities only you could orchestrate.  You masterfully weave lives, circumstances, resources and passions together to create such a fulfilling existence.  You use the skills you've developed in me which gives great joy.  You direct me, if I listen, to where I can be used and how I can glorify you in the works of my hands.  I never knew such joy could emerge from obedience.  Such satisfaction.  It is a contagious sensation- this feeling of purpose...of being exactly where I am called to be, expected to be, needed to be at this very moment (regardless if it is so far from what I had planned for me).  Afterall, your logic is more intricate and what seems distant may actually be only steps away (and you know that is a prayer of my heart...mere steps away).

So, with my commitment to trust you- I trust that the blankets intended for Niger will reach the children YOU planned them for all along.  I have no worries or regret.  I am in awe that you woudl use the catalyst to this blanket ministry as a reminder that this is all in your control.  If it weren't for the Niger trip, I don't know that I would have started to sew...and then to have the Niger trip not even follow through with their mission reminds me it is all about you.

And with my commitment to obey- I will continue to sew...to serve...to live in the moment (and not 3 hopeful moments ahead of myself).  I will seek out your direction for who receives the works of my hands...and I will find joy in the sheer discipline of obedience.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord.  Each day brings its own challenges and distractions.  It is too easy to fall from trusting you and too tempting to turn from obeying the callings you have placed on my life.  Protect me.  Whisper words of encouragement.  Make it obvious when I need to refresh and restart my steps.  And remind me daily that it is you whom I serve and for you that I do everything.  May all the glory be yours.