I'm in a position, Lord, where there isn't much I can do. Actually do. I lack verbs I can act on. I heard a speaker say last night "do what you can do and let God do what you cannot do." There is so much, at this point, I cannot do. It overwhelms me.
And the 'thing' I am left with that I can do...is pray. And I don't know how to pray about this anymore. Do I pray for hearts- to be changed? to be prepared? to be softened? to be upheld and strengthened?
Do I pray for you to go before us? Prepare the way? Provide the funds? Comfort the waiting? Challenge others and raise our support (emotional and otherwise)?
Do I pray for favor? Favor in the home study? Favor in the courts? Favor with the agencies?
Or do I simply pray for you to sustain me...my hopes...my passion...my longing to love on the lonely.
Draw my eyes on you and you alone. Don't let me be beaten down by the wait...by the lack of movement...the absence of action verbs. Instead, let me trust. Trust you have a plan...trust you are indeed moving (regardless of what I can see). Fill me with hope...a confidence that you are at work.
You can use me...right?...you will...deep down I know that. And because my head holds such truth, I will not listen to anything that says the contrary..."I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord." (Psalm 23:13). A goodness that places the lonely in families...a goodness that is a Father to the fatherless.
Perhaps all this waiting is just a way to build endurance for an even more difficult waiting that lies ahead of me. And if that is how I must be prepared to withstand the struggle ahead- if I need to be more before I can move forward- I would have it no other way.
I refuse to believe this will slip through my fingers. I cannot imagine such a longing is not from you- one fed and nourished so greatly- one so slathered in scripture- one that clearly displays your fingerprints...everywhere.
So, until the opportunity to adopt has truly passed me up, I will not give up.
My thoughts? You pray for all of it. Everything you listed and more (like not so gentle nudging!). God's timing is not our timing (not to sound cliche') and he may be having you wait for a reason. Maybe the kids that you are supposed to have aren't available yet, or maybe the right combination isn't, or maybe the law is about to change, or who knows? This is so much easier to say than to do, but we will wait and pray together. Love you friend. Keep writing. It will help you process.
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