restless

Thank you.

Thank you that within all my self absorbed whining...amongst my feelings of frustration and irritation with my own anxiousness... you still provide.

The study notes I read in my quiet time yesterday gave me peace about my own lack of peace.  It stated:

"We must live so close to God that we become restless until God's will is accomplished through us."

That's what it I feel!  That's the word.  Restless.  I've felt it as being anxious or impatient...eager to get my hands in the thick of God's work...a longing to bring my children home from Ethiopia...a painful unsettling...but restless...that describes how I feel about our adoption.  And if it was good for David to feel restless about getting a temple built for the ark of the covenant (Psalm 132: 2-5), then it is good for me to feel restless about international adoption.

 
I will try not to get down on myself for being eager...for being anxious...for being restless.  I will instead try to remember I'm in good company.  After all, David was a 'man after God's own heart."

And deep down, I hold on to the truth that adoption is a God blessed endeavor- that you have failed to remove this want from me even though I have prayed for you to do just that (over and over again).  I know you see my restlessness...and perhaps it does not disappoint you (as I have suspected), but instead bring a smile to your face because I anxiously await to adopt...restless to see your will accomplished through me.